Funny DAD Jokes
- Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
- What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.
- “What’s ET short for? Because he’s only got little legs.”
- Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
- What do you call an Argentinian with a rubber toe? Roberto
- “What do you call a man with no nose and no body? Nobody nose.”
- I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
- What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fshhhh.
- “What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in front of your door? Matt.”
- My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
- I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night. It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.
- Without geometry life is pointless.
- A termite walks into a bar and asks “Is the bar tender here?”
- I gave all my dead batteries away today… Free of charge.
- I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
- I am terrified of elevators. I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
- What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.
- Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
- A red and a blue ship have just collided in the Caribbean. Apparently the survivors are marooned.
- I’ve deleted the phone numbers of all the Germans I know from my mobile phone. Now it’s Hans free.
- Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the TV.
- Q: What did daddy spider say to baby spider? A: You spend too much time on the web.
- How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
- What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments? An Orca-stra.
- Why was the big cat disqualified from the race? Because it was a cheetah.