Funny DAD Jokes
- “How can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”
- Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it
- “What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”
- The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.
- I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: “Don’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: “No, it’s a math problem.”
- I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.
- I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.
- Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.
- I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
- Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.
- Where did the one-legged waitress work? IHOP!
- What happened when the two antennas got married? Well, the ceremony was kinda boring, but the reception was great!
- What did one snowman say to the other one? “Do you smell carrots?”
- How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it!
- Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice container? It said concentrate!
- If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are built upside down!
- I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.
- Q: How do you organize an outer space party? A: You planet.
- Q: What do you call a belt with a watch on it?A: A waist of time.
- What kind of shoes does a thief wear? Sneakers
- A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
- An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
- I went to a seafood disco last week… and pulled a mussel.
- Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar? He got 12 months.
- A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know you can’t I’ve cut off your arms!”