Funny DAD Jokes
- Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.
- What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.
- Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.
- Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.
- I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
- What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
- You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.
- “Every time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, ‘The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”
- What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
- Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind it’s tearable.
- Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
- “I’ll call you later!”- “Please don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”
- Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!
- What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.
- This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
- “My dad literally told me this one last week: ‘Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”
- “Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, ‘No, just leave it in the carton!’”
- I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.
- If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: “Wow, that’s coincidental.”
- I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.
- How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
- How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.
- “Me: ‘Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: ‘Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”
- “I heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there
- A steak pun is a rare medium well done.