Funny DAD Jokes
- Bicycles can’t stand on their own, they’re two tired.
- Just watched a documentary about beavers… It was the best damn program I’ve ever seen.
- Breaking news! Energizer Bunny arrested – charged with battery
- “How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.”
- A Sandwich walks into a bar, the bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve food here”
- “Doctor, I’ve broken my arm in several places” Doctor “Well don’t go to those places.”
- I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
- “Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!”
- There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
- Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
- Slept like a log last night … woke up in the fireplace.
- “We were getting fast food when the lady at the window said, ‘Any condiments?’ My dad responded, ‘Compliments? You look very nice today!’”
- What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
- A police officer caught two kids playing with a firework and a car battery. He charged one and let the other one off.
- I’m reading a book on the history of glue – can’t put it down.
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up.
- I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.
- What did the daddy tomato say to the baby tomato? A: catch up!
- Q: What’s 50 Cent’s name in Zimbabwe? A: 400 Million Dollars.
- Q: What did baby corn say to mama corn? A: Where’s popcorn?
- What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
- What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
- So a duck walks into a pharmacy and says “Give me some chap-stick… and put it on my bill”
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.